Time

I'm realizing right now more than ever that time is one of the most valuable concepts.

It takes time to be happy. It takes time to be sad. And time is the envelope that everything is sealed in.

I'm realizing that I need to embrace the fact that patience IS a virtue, regardless of how long it has taken me to agree with this.

I'm growing, and this absorbs time as well. everything I am experiencing right now is purely for me to extract lessons from. And that's how the rest of my life will play out, I'm sure.

I'm growing up, but I'm not naive enough to call myself mature. I doubt I could ever come to claim this.

Last night, I talked for what seemed like hours with Taylor about this. And how we're on the right path by actually thinking, rather than thinking about the concept of though.

Perhaps this doesn't make sense to anyone else, but I know where I am and I'm content with it. I feel as if I'm standing on a hill, and I can't see over the next big hill into the future, but I am reflecting on what I just experienced, as well as the distant past.

I'm happy with what God has revealed to me, and I've realized that this too takes time to unfold itself completely into my life. 

For now, I'm going to hold Jesus' hand into wherever He may lead me. I'm learning to trust again, and even grasping the concept of love in a new sense.

I thank God for getting me here, and I praise Him for the promise of a new day, a new chance to be His servant. I'm glad to finally be the personification of His hands doing His work, His tongue mouthing His words.

All in all, I'm honestly doing great at the end of the day.

Whirling...(mine)

I breathe in the aroma of nonchalant sweat and fried chicken,

wafting through the white doors,

as I sit further away on cold concrete.

It's a happy party with a celebration of hearts;

they encourage that it's a time to be merry,

but I just can't bring myself to partake.

As I look to the cold stars millions of years away,

awe is the last sentiment welling up inside of me.

Initially it's hard to realize but it comes: "I am alone,"

Somehow, I grasp that this is something I have always known,

even for awhile now, to be exact.

I exhale a weak, worthless laugh

Is it not ironic how just one memory can overtake your thought process,

in just enough time to draw a few short breaths?

Tears drag my efforts from my face.

I tried, alright?

What more could anyone ask for?

I just can't stay inside there, not any more.

Friendly words next to me barely penetrate.

Pain can never be compared, or ever viewed the same

because nobody really understands what I feel like,

as in the background, another slow song changes unnoticeably.

It's just seeing two generations dancing as one.

I never had that opportunity,

and this is where my "pushed-behind-me" memories

come into a very active play.

The strong, storybook father was never a part of my past or present

and I'm done deceiving myself that it will somehow squeeze its way into my future.

I'm only sitting here, outside in the cold,

in a dress and in heels, with make-up staining my jowl,

because I just want that impossible chance

for my Daddy and I to have our first dance...