wafting through the white doors,
as I sit further away on cold concrete.
It's a happy party with a celebration of hearts;
they encourage that it's a time to be merry,
but I just can't bring myself to partake.
As I look to the cold stars millions of years away,
awe is the last sentiment welling up inside of me.
Initially it's hard to realize but it comes: "I am alone,"
Somehow, I grasp that this is something I have always known,
even for awhile now, to be exact.
I exhale a weak, worthless laugh
Is it not ironic how just one memory can overtake your thought process,
in just enough time to draw a few short breaths?
Tears drag my efforts from my face.
I tried, alright?
What more could anyone ask for?
I just can't stay inside there, not any more.
Friendly words next to me barely penetrate.
Pain can never be compared, or ever viewed the same
because nobody really understands what I feel like,
as in the background, another slow song changes unnoticeably.
It's just seeing two generations dancing as one.
I never had that opportunity,
and this is where my "pushed-behind-me" memories
come into a very active play.
The strong, storybook father was never a part of my past or present
and I'm done deceiving myself that it will somehow squeeze its way into my future.
I'm only sitting here, outside in the cold,
in a dress and in heels, with make-up staining my jowl,
because I just want that impossible chance
for my Daddy and I to have our first dance...
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