"What can we say about such wonderful things as these?

If God is with us, who can ever be against us?" -Romans 8:31

I've been reading the book of Romans so much lately. It's just so relevant to where I am right now. So many verses are popping out at me and I feel like I just can't get enough of His word. It's the guidance I need right now, and it's honestly the sole thing that's keeping my head above water.

Reading more in-depth about life in the Spirit and the glory we are to share with Him is revitalizing, to say the least. There was a lot thrown at me these past two days, but I've been able to cope more beautifully than I've ever thought possible. I've put my burdens at the foot of His cross, where the belong and where they are cast down.

"Our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives." (6:6)

I think today was really significant. I let His love and His clarity pour through my heart, mind, and soul like a river. Normally, I'm a pretty negative person; but today I woke to a new sun that burnt bright, through my skin and into the open windows of my core. I don't find it a coincidence I've been reading the same encouragements in Romans 8:6--"If your sinful nature controls your mind, there is death. But if the Holy Spirit controls your mind, there is life and peace."

I'm trying really hard to let the weights of this world fall to the ground. I've always been a pretty nonchalant personality, but I'm striving to literally be like that old comeback: "I am rubber, you are glue. What bounces off me sticks to you." 

Because I'm realizing more clearly that Jesus Christ is truly and really the only one who can ever judge me, therefore His will should be what I follow blindly. When I trust in Him, my problems will fall away and He will occupy the parts of my heart that bleed. I've been prophesying to a couple of close friends that He is the band-aid, and things to that effect. And it's almost ironic how well I can ignore what comes out of my own mouth. But now, I see it all, in the grand scheme of things. It all makes so much sense now.

So now that I'm secure in the place that I stand at this moment in time, my prayer is for endurance, endurance, endurance. I pray to my Lord that I can fly over any hurdle and grow in faith with Him as I do so. I pray for mental and spiritual agility to dodge whatever the enemy throws at me, and for His will to be revealed to me in order that I chase actively after a long-term goal.

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us--they help us learn to endure." --Romans 5:3

When was this concept put in my heart

that friends were something constant and secure?

If anything, I've already gone through enough "BFF's" to last a whole lifetime. So why does it pain me so much when those of this world turn the other cheek? Why do I feel so alone in a world where it's always ultimately been my own two hands holding myself together?

As I grow more, I'm realizing that absolutely nothing in this world is permanent, no matter how much we believe it to be. Forever is nothing other than a void of time that I plan on spending with my Savior Jesus Christ. But it's hard to realize this in my heart, day-to-day.

Self-isolation has been my comfort zone for sixteen years. I can honestly say I've been my best friend for the past sixteen years. And you know, maybe that's perfectly fine. God has made this His will for a reason, and I trust it. I'm even starting to contemplate that He did this so that I may accept His love more fully and quickly.

Because He's been there, and always will be. Until recent times, I haven't been able to open these veiled eyes or clean out these ignorant ears to see/hear Him in my life. And now, I fall on my knees in worship of Him and in desperate need of His love. My weak, broken body and spirit trembles as I push towards Him, like I never could have imagined possible.

I've never thought much about an infallible love. I never really considered the fact that real love is forever, and never wavers. But now that I've seen Him, now that I feel Him inside of my heart, ripping out the weeds and planting His seeds of benefit, and now that I positively know Him, I couldn't seek any other worldly relationship before His. Like the As Cities Burn song says, "I've got a will but I want Yours." More than ever before, and quite possibly more than I'll need ever again.

You see, I'm at this vital fork in the road. I'm very far off from adulthood, but past childhood. So now, I have a choice to either grow up in the light of Christ, or mature in the darkness of sin. And just like a flower, I'm growing and yearning towards the light that I feed off of, the very light that restores me and gives me unlimited energy and nurturing. I just don't want the clouds to come and cover up my sun.

So my prayer is that I can walk a path separate from that of this realm in order that I can be a part of His. Because I have been good friends with loneliness; sometimes it can be a healthy escape. But there is absolutely nothing worse than being alone, and looking through the glass at Him and His love so plentiful that it will never run out.