When was this concept put in my heart

that friends were something constant and secure?

If anything, I've already gone through enough "BFF's" to last a whole lifetime. So why does it pain me so much when those of this world turn the other cheek? Why do I feel so alone in a world where it's always ultimately been my own two hands holding myself together?

As I grow more, I'm realizing that absolutely nothing in this world is permanent, no matter how much we believe it to be. Forever is nothing other than a void of time that I plan on spending with my Savior Jesus Christ. But it's hard to realize this in my heart, day-to-day.

Self-isolation has been my comfort zone for sixteen years. I can honestly say I've been my best friend for the past sixteen years. And you know, maybe that's perfectly fine. God has made this His will for a reason, and I trust it. I'm even starting to contemplate that He did this so that I may accept His love more fully and quickly.

Because He's been there, and always will be. Until recent times, I haven't been able to open these veiled eyes or clean out these ignorant ears to see/hear Him in my life. And now, I fall on my knees in worship of Him and in desperate need of His love. My weak, broken body and spirit trembles as I push towards Him, like I never could have imagined possible.

I've never thought much about an infallible love. I never really considered the fact that real love is forever, and never wavers. But now that I've seen Him, now that I feel Him inside of my heart, ripping out the weeds and planting His seeds of benefit, and now that I positively know Him, I couldn't seek any other worldly relationship before His. Like the As Cities Burn song says, "I've got a will but I want Yours." More than ever before, and quite possibly more than I'll need ever again.

You see, I'm at this vital fork in the road. I'm very far off from adulthood, but past childhood. So now, I have a choice to either grow up in the light of Christ, or mature in the darkness of sin. And just like a flower, I'm growing and yearning towards the light that I feed off of, the very light that restores me and gives me unlimited energy and nurturing. I just don't want the clouds to come and cover up my sun.

So my prayer is that I can walk a path separate from that of this realm in order that I can be a part of His. Because I have been good friends with loneliness; sometimes it can be a healthy escape. But there is absolutely nothing worse than being alone, and looking through the glass at Him and His love so plentiful that it will never run out.