Francoise Sagan = genius

"A strange melancholy pervades me to which I hesitate to give the grace and beautiful name of sorrow. The idea of sorrow has always appealed to me but now I am almost ashamed of its complete egoism. I have known boredom, regret, and occasionally remorse, but never sorrow. Today it envelops me like a silken web, enervating and soft, and sets me apart from everybody else."

I'm glad I read Bonjour Tristesse today. and I'm glad I read No one belongs here more than you yesterday. Those two books are currently sinking into my thoughts like quicksand, and it's helping me although it doesn't first appear that way.

I'm feeling extreme loneliness these past few days. I think I ended things with him and I wasn't really fully ready to, and I was immature about it. I know that this isn't going to raise from the dead. But there's that part of my subconscious that's really, really hoping and planning on the idea that it will.

I just want to feel carefree again. It always seems as if I'm grasping for this figure in my life that I've always envisioned at my side although I've never had him, and I have no idea what mutual caring really even is. I've been eluding myself this entire time, and how i feel now is the product of all that's been piled upon my small, insignificant shoulders.

I just need a healthy way out. And a will to keep on keepin' on...which seems impossible from this vantage but I know I can.